I could have done more this year — that’s true. But compared to the last ten years, I’ve done incredibly well. Those ten years were lived poorly, confusingly, almost like I was stuck inside a life I didn’t fully choose. I still don’t fully understand why I kept pushing myself into that version of living. Maybe it was ten years, maybe fifteen. At some point the number stops mattering.
What matters is this: For the past two years, I’ve stepped out of that old life. I stopped indulging in the habits, the circles, and the environments that kept me trapped. I’m back on track — or maybe I was never off track. Maybe it was simply a long, necessary rest.
Depression and manic episodes can hit anyone. I still don’t fully understand why I became the one labeled bipolar. I used to have ups and downs like everyone else, and then suddenly the diagnosis arrived. How did it happen? I don’t know. Maybe the exact reason doesn’t matter anymore.
What I do know is this: For ten years, I met doctors, nurses, psychiatrists, psychologists — people who showed up for me with patience, knowledge, and care. I remember every face. I didn’t try to; I just do. And I’m genuinely grateful for each one of them.
I used to think I didn’t have time. Now I see that time was exactly what I needed.
Writing this makes me tired, but also thankful. These people didn’t ask me to remember them or check on their day. Yet I always did. It felt natural — they cared about me, so I cared back. They helped me understand myself, step by step, year by year.
Gratitude stayed with me longer than the pain.
Those ten years were not wasted. Every difficult period — the negativity, the depression, the confusion — brought me closer to knowing myself. These feelings still appear sometimes, but I’m stronger now. I don’t give them power. I let them exist without letting them rule me.
Experiencing a feeling is not the same as surrendering to it.
Life continues. The road might be hard, but the mind can become smarter, steadier, more aware.
Sometimes the best thing we can do is pause and ask ourselves:
“Where am I rushing to? And why?”
Thank you for reading. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for writing, for listening, for trying.
Be blessed. Happy New Year.
Love and unity — and a little humor to keep the spirit alive.
Work smarter, not harder
I could have done more this year, 2025! And again, I did greatly and impressively good compared to my last 10 years. Yes, last ten years were lived very and amazingly poorly. I wasn’t sure what is that. I am still not sure, I know the reason to keep being stuck so to speak, I didn’t and I don’t know why I kept pushing into this life that I used to have for the past 10 years. Might be fifteen, who, so to speak, cares. It has been only 2 years since I stopped indulging into that type of life and having troubles and friends that were keeping me into the life that I didn’t want. Now, I am back on track now. As I’ve never been off track, its been a resting period, right?
Usually, depression and manic episodes can hit everybody into the gut. I don’t understand why I am the bipolar one. I used to be with ups and downs like everyone around me, and all of a sudden I am bipolar. How did it happen? Again, I don’t think it really matter for precision. It just has been, for the past 10 years. All the medicine adjustments, all the doctors, nurses, psychiatrists and psychologists – lovely people. All of them I remember, I didn’t try hard, I just remember people and their faces. I am awesomely happy for have had each and every single one of these people in my life helping me with my condition.
I used to think, that I don’t have time. I am also getting tired of writing this article or whatever it is. Testimony or memoir. It makes me happy to know that I somehow thanked those people that were giving and sharing their knowledge with me and being patient and always wanting to know me and helping me to get to know myself. Not each one of them asked me for remembering them, neither to ask how their day is going. I always did, it felt normal – they ask, I ask but it has had always been the one way around – them asking me, them helping me. Gratefulness and appreciation. I am gratefully thankful my helpers.
Meaning, I thought its a day to day encounter. It stayed with me for 10 years. Every step bringing me closer to myself, to knowing myself better, to knowing thyself. Hard, there were hard periods, negativity periods, depression periods, now it feels like they might be repeating sometimes. I am strong. I am smarter, them periods come and exist, and I do live through them, I just experience them. I want to say it. I don’t give them power, and I still interact with them sometimes. I try to be calm and only experience them but it might be difficult, when its a feeling that is being experienced.
Life goes on. Harder is the way but smarter is the pavement. There might be times to take a pause in the midst of all the pressure and ask oneself – “Where is all these hurry for, where am I going?”
Thank you for reading and being patient with me.
Thank for for writing and for explaining as must as you can.
Be blessed, and happy new years.
Love and unity, sex and purity, haha. Keep it up!